Lately

Lately the days seem bigger and more ominous that they have in a long time. See before I knew I would miss you, now I do ever so much. Its funny how the first few months are so easy, the sharp and almost fleeting sense of separation then as the time goes on it reaches a point where the constancy of it makes it feel unreal and less heavy; still there just less heavy. Then comes the point where the realism shatters the cloudy dream of half awareness severing it simply and swiftly and there you left wondering how soon, how much longer and when. It seems silly because most things in life leave me unaffected, un-pained. I now see the difference more clearly than ever, to truly care and to truly miss someone. There is a longing of nearness and simplicity that leaves you lungs unable to catch their breath ad leaves the the head on your shoulders as a weight that is nearly to heavy for your shoulders to bear. See, you think too much, you miss to much and all you have to comfort yourself is more waiting.

The waiting. What's worse for me is that I know I have the better end of it, I get to be the one at home, the one with the dogs and the one here in PA in our beloved Pittsburgh and that pains me more than missing you. That you are the one who has to do this and that you are over there alone. I hate that. I hate that I'm stuck here where its easier.

The only comfort I can offer you is that I am fine. I am not lonely except to be lonely for you. That I will be here just as I was for you.

Loving you is easy because you're wonderful.